Stop Microsoft's nagware pop ups

Once more, I'm on a new computer which has reset all of Microsoft's nagware pop ups that remind me how to use a product I've used for literal decades. "Did you know you can click here and do this". "I see you went to a new menu, did you know you could see ____ in this menu but you can't actually see it because this intrusive pop up is blocking it?"

"Here is another pop up that deselected the cell you were currently typing in and you didn't notice is for 5 minutes so you have to redo everything you just worked on. Sucks to be you."

How the hell do I get this nagware garbage to go away forever and never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever come back?!